Having gone to countless therapies, sacred ceremonies, and read several self-help books, in my mind I thought that I could catch myself from entering a toxic environment, reality, however, proved otherwise. Several weeks ago I realized that I subconsciously attracted and belonged to a toxic spiritual group. It was only when I began to see things as they were, and not as I would want them, that I began to see the toxic behavior of people and unmasked their true intentions. It was a bit of a slap in the face and shock for me to realize this, however, I understood why.
In my family it was ‘normal’ to ignore things and not say anything about them, it was like having an elephant in the living room yet no one acknowledging it. This was the toxic behavior that I encountered in the group I left, even after I presented them with the difficult situation I was experiencing, their eyes glossed over as if I hadn’t said anything and just kept everything ‘love and light.’ This is what is called toxic spirituality. Things started to become clear when the ‘leader’ of the group said nothing about the meeting nor did she attend even though she would constantly say that no one is above anyone else and that everyone is equal.
When someone’s words do not match their actions- that is a red flag, mistakes happen, that is understood, however, when things are habitual then that is when one must wake up and ‘smell the roses,’ as they say. I realized that I was basically lying to myself by not seeing what reality was showing me. My intuition, especially, was telling me that something was not right. Having gone through so much trauma I was disconnected from my body which is the center from which my intuition speaks. I had to literally learn to trust my gut again.
Looking back, I now see how I subconsciously attracted that group. It’s not until we heal what has caused us harm that we stop attracting those situations and people into our life. I am in the midst of learning how to establish healthy relationships with the people in my family-a challenge in itself since we are not all on the same page, I feel. As painful and challenging as leaving that group was, I am grateful for all the lessons I learned, mostly, I am grateful to the universe for showing me the way.