When I feel suicidal

Image by Kevin McIver from Pixabay 

It’s because the pain that I feel becomes unbearable. I become tired of the suffering, and the struggle. I’ve dealt with some form of depression or trauma the majority of my life. I had a traumatic experience earlier this year, another last year, and one before that. If I weren’t so sensitive perhaps the pain wouldn’t be so bad, but I am, I’m very sensitive- I feel, I feel deeply. I sometimes wish I were an alcoholic just so that I could numb the pain away, but I’m not, I haven’t ever been, I don’t even smoke weed. I feel my feelings, my raw uncensored feelings.

The only thing that has kept me here is my commitment to my creator. I am here for that alone because if it were for me I would have left a long time ago. It’s been a painful journey but I am loyal to my commitment, to God/Goddess. I will not leave until my work here is done and my creator calls me back home. Until then I put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time doing the best I can to honor my creator.

Being a sensitive person in this society has been a challenge because I get easily hurt by the unconscious acts of others. I still haven’t learned how to manage my sensitivity. Through the work I’ve been doing to heal myself my heart opened. I feel at a different level compared to before, my sensitivity heightened. Now I’m sensitive to things that I wasn’t before, there are certain environments that I cannot tolerate because they hurt me, literally.

So why would anyone want to be this sensitive? Why would anyone want to heal their heart? Because someone who feels, someone with a heart cannot tolerate just sitting back and do nothing when someone/something is not right. They take action to protect that person/thing/being. A conscious individual does not conform to the social norms of a society that oppresses them. This is just one reason why healing is important.

Perhaps no one did anything to help me as a child and that’s fine, I’m working on that, it’s over, but I know that even one person can make a difference because to that child it would have meant the world to know that someone cared enough about her to stand up and do something for her but no one did. People are suffering all over the world at many different levels yet many continue to remain dormant and enslaved to a system of oppression and do absolutely nothing to help make the world a better place. How much longer until we heal our addictions? How much longer will we continue to waste our time on senseless arguments? On TV shows that do nothing but continue to waste our time? How much longer will we continue to fight and hurt each other? How much longer?!

I don’t need pity parties, it’s the worst thing you can do to a person, it’s disempowering. I’m fine; I’ve been doing this my whole life. But please, get up and do something to make this world a better place, start with you, start following your dreams, those that call to your soul-that’s God/Goddess talking to you- follow that. Heal if you need healing, forgive if you need forgiving, and if you have- give, support those in need. There’s always something we can do to raise the energy of the world. I, in all my brokenness, am doing something, so if I can do something you most definitely can.

6 thoughts on “When I feel suicidal

  1. ❤ Hey Maria ❤
    I have started to differentiate more and more between all that out Creator has give us….colourful sunsets, flowers, birdsong. mountains, forrests, lakes, the sound of waves upon the shore, a wide variety of flavours – all packaged in amazing green renewing recycling systems that keep our earth clean and healthy an continually provide nourishment for humans and animals….

    ….and what man has made, which often blots out the stars in the sky, fills the air with smog, makes life grey. The world system of man's making has crushed many people while allowing a few to amass wealth on an astronomical scale.

    More and more I see it is coming to the time when our Creator says…enough is enough. Just a little while longer now. I know when He acts it will be in a way that nobody can question the justice and legality of his intervention. I am sure His name will be sanctified, His Kingdom will undo all the damage human rulerships have done, and His Will will take place on earth as it does in heaven.

    I am sure that life on earth under His rulership will be everything He wanted for us – fully satisfying and joyful.

    In the meantime it is hard to see the suffering this corrupt man-made system causes. But I am sure their time is short.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel you my friend. As an intuitive and a shaman, I have uncovered way that have turned my sensitivity and sensibilities into superpowers. I did an interview with a dear friend of mine recently for her podcast, “The Art of Aliveness” which is on iTunes and Spotify. You should check it out. I used to feel my sensitivity was a curse and now I use it to empower myself. Sending you virtual hugs and love🌈❤😊🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Same commitment here, Dear. Feeling our Creator’s Love. Thank you so much for your being here. Until our most grateful last exhale, one breath at a time. One equally grateful breath at a time. 💛🙏

    Liked by 1 person

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