This past Gregorian year started with tears in my eyes as I was about leave the only place I had ever known as home. It was a huge risk I was taking, one that many did not agree with, but I knew in my heart that I had to do it. It was one of the best things I have done for myself as an adult. I truly learned what it meant to take a leap of faith, I learned to let go like I hadn’t ever done in my whole life.
Coming from a life of trauma holding on is all I ever knew, learning to let go has been like learning a new language, one which I am finding out has many variations. In the first quarter of this year, I learned to let go of certainty, let go of material things, this past quarter I’ve learned that there is another level of letting go. This other level has to deal with emotions and feelings; I’ve learned that holding onto negative emotions can also take a toll on our well being just as much as holding onto words of truth, words of love.
I learned that I needed to speak love when I felt love and share my feelings when they were hurt, these were actions of letting go. It was a new language which I hadn’t ever known before. I didn’t grow up in an environment that asked how I was feeling for this and many other reasons I learned to neglect my feelings. I now understand the power and importance of feelings.
It’s been painful to have my heart opened the way it has been, I’ve had to face the truth that many of my past relations were not healthy because of my unconscious neglect. I’ve been humbled and sent out apologies to as many people as I could remember having interacted with in a negative manner. It’s true, when you know better, you do better. I have more empathy for the human condition, the heart is fragile and we must learn to speak and act with more consciousness.
The path to healing is painful, but remaining in the dark is even more so, we have the opportunity to grow as spiritual beings here on earth and must not neglect that. Many perish never knowing what love truly is, never knowing the powers that lay dormant within their being, never knowing the whole point of living. For this and many reasons, I march forward on my path and wish for all to hold the eternal truth in their hearts once and for all.