When I left California for two weeks, I left a placed I had lived in for 33 days, it was the shortest stay of any place I had lived in and at the same time, it felt like one of the longest stays. I felt uncomfortable the first day I stepped foot in it, and yet my need to find a place to call home led me to stay in spite of ill feelings.
I grew up in a hostile environment so I had experience with tolerance at a young age, it gave me the kind of grit that would help me see me through challenging situations in adulthood. Sometimes when we are in the middle of a life-changing event, we don’t understand why we are there, and what the lesson is. All we know is that it’s uncomfortable and that we want out as soon as possible. Some of us survive with our hearts still intact, others, not so much.
For those of us that do come out alive and with our heart intact, we are able to look back and see the bigger picture of it all, we can see how it shaped us and made us strong. This new place that I tried to call home tested my tolerance, my inner strength, I didn’t want to feel like a victim so I made the best of it as much as I could. Yet I knew I needed to get out as soon as possible before it drained me of all reason.
They say that you become like the people you surround yourself with, I didn’t want to become like those housemates, I had already gone through a time when I was like them and I didn’t want to go back- I had learned my lesson. Thankfully the homeowner was reasonable and allowed me to leave on short notice. I put my things in storage and booked a couple of campsites and hit the road. As scary as it was for me to travel solo across several states, it was the best decision I made. It taught me how self-reliant I was and how a good prayer along with action goes a long way.
For anyone struggling with self-confidence, I highly recommend taking a trip somewhere outside your comfort zone, yet be kind enough not to put yourself in any real danger. Being our own best friend is first in any healthy relationship, take that first step and give yourself the love you deserve.