“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”-Buddha
I was at a grocery store not too long ago; I was looking at an item in the fridge isle while an employee (a young man) was stocking some items. An older lady then came around with her shopping cart as the gentleman was going back and forth stocking items. As he came from behind her with some items he accidently bumped into her, he apologized and continued with his work-she on the other hand was not having it. She pursued the situation by stating that he should be more careful because had it been her 80 year-old mother she would have gotten hurt. He continued to apologize-though in an irritated sounding voice-and ended the conversation. She did not like his apology and moved on but then shortly came back and threatened him with a lawyer.
The one phrase that stood out for me during this confrontation was when the woman said, “You would have…” All these words, ‘would have, could have, should have’ are based on fear, and not living in the present moment. It totally amazed me that this whole conversation was actually going on and it also reminded me of how California is infamous for lawsuits. This woman was actually basing an entire argument over something that didn’t exist; all I could think is that somehow these two people attracted one another. Even before the woman arrived on the scene I could sense the young man was a little irritated, then comes an older woman with different customs from today’s typical ill-mannered youth and bam-an argument in the making happened right before my eyes.
I remember so many arguments growing up in my family over this same issue-the ‘could haves or would haves’. It seems that so many people are programmed to go into fear mode rather than reality mode. People get so attached to the drama of life that they crave more and therefore may even consciously or unconsciously create such events for themselves because what is life without drama? That is where some draw the line and say ‘No more!’ and start separating themselves from people and situations that cause unnecessary stress in their life.
To live and enjoy peace is something that many are not comfortable with. I understand this; I have lived both sides of the coin. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and all I knew was drama, even after I left my family I then attracted more drama. Then came the day when peace arrived, it was so foreign to me that it was scary, I didn’t know what to do with it. It took some personal trial and error before I understood what was happening to me and learned that drama was unhealthy and inner peace was the goal. The next time you find yourself in the middle of an argument ask yourself what is really at the base of it, is it fear? Or is it love?
One thought on “What are you arguing about?”
I know exactly what you mean! After a 36 year marriage to a physically and on occasion emotionally sick man and a life peppered with arguments, name calling and stress like I had never known, my husband’s illness finally took him. My new home is one of peace. I enjoy my life better than I could have imagined!! Peace is heavenly!!
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