“We accept the love we think we deserve.” –Stephen Chbosky
Love, what a subject, its possibilities are endless; it’s been written about in all sorts of angles from all sorts of people from different ages. The majority of the time, however, the media has infiltrated this idea of love like if it’s only this mushy thing that you feel for another person, it only portrays love as this idea that it’s super rosy all the time and nothing else. This is a cute story of course but the problem, the way I see it, is that it’s not true, not all the time at least. The truth is that love also has healthy boundaries, boundaries which do not permit anything or anyone to intrude in one’s own optimal health and well being. When a friend, for example, does something which oversteps their boundaries and they try to force you into something out of your own will, that is not healthy. The proper loving response; standing up for oneself with a firm hand and saying ‘no, this is not right, and I will not permit it.’ This response is loving because it comes from a genuine respect of oneself and the other person. It is saying ‘I will not permit you to step on me, this type of behavior is not ok and is causing you harm,’ this stops the cycle of more unnecessary harm in both lives and it may, or may not, shake the other person awake to see that what they are doing is harming their own life because people with healthy self respect will not allow such negative behavior in their lives thus eliminating such friendships. The higher the frequency we emit, the healthier our relationships with people around us. Healthy love says ‘no’ to abuse and ‘yes’ to respect, both are products of love nonetheless.